Hasnat Abdullah, one of the coordinators of the anti-discrimination student movement, said he wanted to commit suicide a year ago. He said these things in a post from his verified Facebook profile on Wednesday (September 18).
In the post, he said, as the ‘colorful days’ of approaching turned into a gray fading tale of constant receding, he felt that death was the most desirable option from life.
A year ago, Hasnat Abdullah made a post on Facebook about the plight of the country’s job market. There he also informed about suicide. But as there is no change in the current situation, he shared the post again on his timeline on Wednesday morning.
He wrote, I as a job seeker tried to highlight the hardships and frustrations of job seekers last year (23 August 2023). No one but a job seeker will ever understand how excruciating this level of pain is.
Hasnat said in his post – I appeal to the interim government to reform the Bangladesh Public Works Commission (PSC) and start the job examination and recruitment process as soon as possible. Also, abolish exorbitant application fees in the context of unemployment.
Coordinator Hasnat Abdullah’s Facebook post at around 7 am on Wednesday shows
– “I can commit suicide at any time. Just as my friend Manju committed suicide at SM Hall yesterday, I have the same reasons to commit suicide. As I sat in the solitude of the Central Library after reaching the threshold of youthful enthusiasm, I sometimes thought – I am now an anonymous unemployed person. I am neither a student, nor a professional, nor am I qualified to take responsibility for anyone, nor is society interested in taking responsibility for me.
Literally heavily burdened. Confidence is at a terrible low. Mentally very disturbed. In this booming market, you have to spend the whole day at 70 rupees. When the canteen boy wants to give the cow because it is ‘strict’, he has to ask to bring vegetables on the pretext of being on a diet with a dry smile to save money. Feeling ashamed, sometimes I stopped asking the canteen boy for some fish or meat broth. Egg-potato-dal is closely related to life. At the current market rate these are also out of affordability. Thinking about food costs, job application fees, out-of-pocket expenses, pre-retained book prices makes the body chill. The night deepens, the Fajr call of the Kataban mosque is heard, the month increases. Meanwhile, both the taste in the mouth and the hunger in the stomach started to increase. I heard that lack of people’s hunger increases!
Friends who went abroad without studying after matric, are now established. The family is settling down. Sending parents for Hajj. By buying land in the area, the economy is increasing. Sometimes I feel like picking up the phone and asking them for money. A couple of times I put the phone in my hand. Forgetting the shyness wrapped in the airy sheet of self-esteem, when I call my friends, I don’t dare to raise the subject of the call when I hear the high opinion I get about myself from the friend on the other end. Those friends have assumed that we are now immensely satisfied with money, glory and worldly honor after passing the best university in the country.
The situation is like this – no money in the pocket but a lot of uncomfortable respect from all sides. In fact, when respect is too much in an empty pocket, it becomes indigestion. On the other hand, there is a huge gap between what we have learned in the university for five years and what we are being asked to know in the job test.
One after another Friday comes, job exam comes, seat change from one end of city to other end, admit card change in pocket but the forehead stuck in circle of MCQ bullet doesn’t change with pen stroke. When the forehead will change, my life-seeking mind is silent now.
When will happen, nothing can be said. Looking at the ongoing situation, you have to take a breath of frustration! The question of family, society and surrounding people – ‘What to do now? And when? How much longer?’ To avoid answering the question, one has to stay in the hall even during Eid. Avoiding phone calls from familiar people is a relief.
We cannot tell anyone about our pain, dissatisfaction, anger or love. The sea has to be swallowed. As the days go by, the mercury of family, society and own expectations is getting weaker. Me and my dream, which have been flying for so long, are going to face destiny in a dusty form, stuck in this crisis. Not only are we suffering from unbridled failure and crisis, but we are now being subjected to utter ridicule in front of everyone. The “colorful days” of approaching are turning into gray fading stories of ever-departing.
And just then, just then, death from life seems the most desirable. Just then Hasanat wants to become Manju or Rupa Karmakar. Like the autumn dew, Manju has quietly vanished before the sun rises. It seems that just like that, I disappear behind the public eye. I want to find a way to get together with one foot, two feet. But where the obstacles fall!
In Satyajit Ray’s ‘Apoor Sansar’, Apu is heard saying – He has the ability to do something great, the potential but he is not able to do it. Again, this failure is not the end, nor is it a tragedy. He is not achieving anything great, his poverty is not going away, his lack is not being satisfied; But despite all this, he is not turning away from life. He is not running, skipping, killing himself like Manju but he is trying to live. He says – success lies in survival, happiness lies in survival. He Wants to Live.
At this point, I can no longer turn away from life. Being able to really live, that is the meaning. A bruised frog also tries to jump with its body half covered with the ground till its last breath. The red grasshopper that lost its wings was caught by the mischievous boy and tried to fly again in the blue sky. And I am human, the best creation. What’s the fear, I will start again. I will stop living on the expectations of society, family and people around me and live on my own hopes.
Life may be showing me hundreds of logical reasons to commit suicide; But I will live life with only one reason. And that is ‘hope’. Efforts to move forward with this wealth without stopping. There is a saying in English – ‘Every man dies but not every man lives’. Let death show me, I have not run away from life. I am one of those who survived.
We need to be steadfast in our dreams and confidence to face all the unexpected surprises of the future before we disappear like an unknown star. As nature rains again after a long drought, as waves rise again in a dried-up river; We also know that one day we will be clear like the sun and will be revealed to everyone like a dew.
So request to society, please wait. give us time Accept us as we are. Stop saying ‘what we have to be’ by dragging out examples of ‘who has been’. Also, don’t ask ‘what do you do now’ when you see any Hasnat like a lamp without oil and don’t go out slowly, ask ‘how are you now?’.
Because, we are not good with this unequal and inadequate organization of the state.